"Like so many, I would never end my life but I certainly don't see its purpose. It is just a burden." Also "Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live. It's not like I am suicidal though...I would never kill myself; this goes against my personal views of life. I just feel like I've become sick of life." Unfortunately, these sentiments are far too common among members of the Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD) Community. But why do so many people with CKD feel this way?
Recommended Reading: What Makes Us Feel the Way We Do as Kidney Patients?
It is clear that some members of our community are suffering deeply, and our collective hearts should go out to them. The psychological trauma of CKD very likely has a lot to do with how individuals with the disease are feeling. It also likely explains why CKD patients may have a difficult time being close to others, making relationships difficult. They don't want anyone to get too close so they become guarded. This may be used by them as a way of regaining control.
Recommended Reading: Coping with Overwhelming Stress of Kidney Disease
If these symptoms sound familiar, what you may be experiencing is clinically referred to as Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) which is a common response to severe trauma. People who have directly been forced to examine their own mortality such as those with CKD, especially later stages, may feel emotionally numb which some describe as being detached from life itself.
Recommended Reading: Difference between Managing CKD with Depression or Demoralization?
Essentially, many people with CKD do not know how to continue with living. If you are feeling a lack of desire to live then you should contact a competent and knowledgeable therapist who can help you overcome this unpleasant time in your life. You will greatly benefit from counseling because PTS is a treatable issue with the use of therapy and medication as necessary. Your Nephrologist or Social Worker will be happy to help you find someone who can treat your PTS. Although your life may be unpleasant now, you should not believe that it will always stay that way. KidneyBuzz.com recommends that you also consider volunteering for the things you feel passionate about and read religious or meditative teachings because you may find some answers in scripture. This is not to suggest that you convert or that one religious study is superior to another, but these teachings may well answer the questions you are having about life itself.
Recommended Reading: How to Combat Depression by Controlling your Thoughts
Many people see death as a path to relief from the pain they are experiencing in their lives. What they fail to realize is that relief is a feeling, and you must be alive to experience it. Death is permanent, and so by definition it does not provide relief; it merely ends a life too soon. Real relief, true relief, is possible only through survival and treatment which is possible for everyone including you.
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"Suicide in the United States End-Stage Renal Disease Program." Journal of the American Society of Nephrology.
"How Do I Respond to a Chronically Ill Patient Who's Suicidal... :." Nursing2013.